Just thinking...

Dear Diary:

Have you feel like your life is boring?

Have you felt like the rest of the world is having a great time ?

Have you thought that some social pages are promoting envy in each other?

Have you felt like you need to show the world that you are having a great time?

Have you taken pictures just to put them on a social utility and expect something back

Or even deeper

Have you thought in if what you are doing is exactly what you want to do and not only what you should do?

Have you thought in ….what you really want to do and come out with a decision that you aren’t going to change for a long time?

Do you actually know what you want?

I ask myself this questions a lot , and come out with different ideas, I want to :

• Study a master degree
• Travel and Live in India for a while
• Improve the company that I am part of as a partner
• Have kids
• Quit the job for a while

And at the end I don’t really know what I want to do first….. and I keep thinking .. I know I am working for something, improving my self, but I still don’t Love something that much to leave everything and start doing it .

I think that makes me frustrated… not knowing what to do , where to start, where to go , just live .. and don’t even live well, but live with hurry … No time for sleeping, no time for resting, no time for exercise more than an hour , no time for reading … no for being with friends … I am living in a hurry and I want to stop it but at the same time I don’t want to stop moving…

What makes a person happy and satisfied :

• Love
• Health
• Family
• Food & Home
• A place where you belong
• A person that cares about you
• A job
• A person that needs you
• To offer your life in order to improve somebody elses live

I think that when you have many of them , the thing that will always miss is the opportunity to give your hand to somebody else, to offer your experience and live to help somebody ... until that time you ll be complete

Lets stop thinking and start doing it .

Dont want to do anything. change anything , listen anything

Dear Diary,

Sometimes i feel like i dont need u anymore and the i remember that i do need someone that listen to me without saying anything back, but now is time for me to talk to u .

I have tried really hard to change, to be a nicer person but this is getting even worse and worse the harder i try the worse it goes .

Something not very nice, happened last week, i got in a shock , i didint really know how to react apart that i have to give me some credit on my reaction

1. i didnt cry in the beginning,

2. I didnt run and leave the place closing the door

3. I didnt say bad words.

I think even it took me as a suprise i could think and then react , I did cry at some point and i felt really bad i still dont know how i am going to react later , i do think that i lost a part of a good friendship but at the end ... Do i want it back? Do i want a friend that doesnt say anything until he explotes and Bull Shit me in front of others? , Do i want a person that i cant trust anymore? I may ... but just as part of my life and in a small part of it .

What it made me mad is that I am sad ..!!! Damn i am sad and i have been sad the whole week, thiniking and thinking if iam wrong, and i got to the conclusion that I am not like that for nothing, i havent done that to everybody or react like that with all , but people do need to get on my nerves to make me react like that ... is the reaction good or bad ? Id ont know is just it , is just MY reaction .. and i should accept myself on it .

Other thing is that there are many people around me saying that " poor people that are close to me like husband, mom etc" coz they must be suffering .... i mean WHAT A HELL right?? How and WHo are them to say that to throw the first rock on me ? And Why have i accept that ?? , I ended up deciding that i should stay away of it, of comments, people that thinks that way for a while, until i get back my confidence and my life

At the end... Am i such abad person?? Am i that bad so people feel sorry for the ones that are next to me ??

I dont think so

Thanks for hearing me diary .