A journey to an unexpected destination

Dear Diary 

I didnt want to talk to you because everything looked so gray that I didint want to  write about it and then read it and find out that I was seeing the world in the wrong colour, You know this days I have cried a lot but I have also received the help of others and meet many other souls that have the same fears, dreams, curiosity for life that i havent felt alone for one moment! .  Also the people I ve met in the past has been there for me, supporting me, huging me and reminding me that I am not alone.

This is a hard time I am in the middle ofthe way without a defined path to follow, I know I should be excited and happy for what it comes in front of me but I just dont know what is the right thing to do or the right decision to take, I just know that I will put myself out there in the world and for some reason my hearth will lead my way.

There are people that arrive to your life and that you feel that you would like to have them around but for some reason is not the time or the place to be and you have to let it go but not in the way of a total separation but a light strong thread that will hold you both until the time and the place comes but I should be able to improve myself and keep enjoying the life and being positive about it by myself along the way .

I wish that decisions could be made now, that goals, expectations and actions could be made but I am sure that if there hasnt been done its because something better is in front of me and that I must keep working hard and smiling while this happens.

By now the only thing I can do is to enjoy! enjoy all the journey until the final destination comes! .

One step at a time ...

HI Diary

This is probably one of the worst weeks that I have had in the last years, I feel very lonely and angry. I also feel lost and i dont know what todo, I dont have any job, my ex is the new boyfriend of one of the most appreciated girls in my circle of people i know in this city and they have decided to be with whoever has a plan and today  I was left alone, i really needed someone to talk but every person I trust was with the rest of the people and I just managed to cheer up myself a bit here, focusing in finding dreams I could pursue but I cried a lot today, and this sadness that push your chest so hard that sometimes you find hard to breath, I know that my angel is around me I can feel him. I also dont want to relay in another person to take me out of here,  out of this emptiness because I am sure that if that person goes away I will probably fall down so hard that I will not be able to manage it.

I wish I knew the answer of what to do, I wish I could decide where to go or what I want, so far I know that I need to cheer myself up and I guess is ok everybody needs time, I need time, I cant find myself focused, I find it hard to even picture myself in the future.

On the other hand I am angry, angry at not being able to communicate my anger for so many years, for not being brave enough to tell him how I was feeling and how angry I was to know that he wasnt loving  me, and to forgive myself to push things and work it out to "make them happend" How could I do something like that?

I dont want that to happend again, I dont want to push or convince anyone to be with me, not a friend, not a love, love will come and will act whenever is the right time and I will decide if I am also ready for it ...