its exactly a week from my departure ... and i am totally nervous, I am excited, and I am anxious and little afraid..
I keep having this emptiness in my stomach , in my hearth , in my life ... I just stopped thinking about anything or anyone.. some times i do remember and I hope ... or I imagine things , situations, but at the end God, you and me know that this emptiness is not there .. even if that feeling was so great , i know there is no path for me on it , neither there or anywhere but here .. here with me , inside of me ... right God? ... answer me please... pleaseee .. tell me yes, tell me that I will be all right , that I will not be feeling this again , or that i will know how to fight this.. i am starting to think that is lapsus of depresion or emptiness are for a good reason but .. Why I am feeling this now ? Why in this age? or Did i feel it before but I blocked it ?
I know that nothing in my life has been easy... remember when I talked to you when I was a child and told you ... yea ... that wont be easy right?.. bring it on!! and yea well it wasnt, moments I remembered that werent easy.... when my father left that was a hard one .., when my parents had an accident , that totally changed me ... when I changed school, well as usual almost no classmate liked me... at least at the beginning .. when I fell in love for the first time.. big deal!! .. 6 years of torture hahaha , and now I just can picture this God... this is one of those hard times.. and I know I can feel , you are here !! you are back with me ! and I am thanking again for this moments that make me be so close to you .. you know I have left the church .. didnt really trust it anymore.. I will find another way... but I wont leave you, you are and will be in my path all my life ..
I have hope, and I will learn . I will learn how to be complete with what I have, How to let people walk away from me if that is what they want, I will be happy with the beautiful me I am , and I wont stop fighting for a better world ... for a better me
HEre I go GOd, please light my way with love and happiness
I love you!
me
