Afraid, excited, in love?

Dear Diary,

I came back , well as u know i have some days of lets say " being free" dont know how to take it jaaja i have a mix of feelings between happiness, anxiety, fear, love, excitement that i cant describe in detail what is thati feel, iam sure i want to be with him, to have family,  however maybe is just my selfish part that is trying to scape or to enjoy the last days of being single as if something was going to change... nothing is going to change ..

Last week at the course we learnt about the different parts of the love ,the different periods of it , it was really interesting knowing my self as a mixof the first, second and even third, but still fighting for a small part of the first that i dont even know if i want to change .. that sucks coz i hate as i have written it before the consequences but i dont know if i want ot change it ...

The doctor also said " the love and the decision to get married and being with one person is a decision made by the mind and the brain not by the hearth .. interesting ehh

I guess i should do only what i like to not have the wrong consequences that i dont like ... eyy that can be a good idea !!

YEaaaa !!

Thanks for listening to me Diary

Ranking values

Well... I have had a longggg week and today i chat with a friend who told me " Hey did u forget ur diary ? and well no i didnt but sometimes i cant just find a moment for me on the day jajaa .....usually when i go to the bathroom i find a peaceful time ajajaja other wise i just keep living withouth analyzing what i do and why i do it .

Yesterday i went to my course and we made a great activity we ;ve choosen previously 3 sound ( a song that u like , a soundof an animal and a sound of nature ) also one smell that u like, and a phrase that u tell urself when u are having a succes. with all that we made a "SUcces Ancla" a 5 min exercise in which a person tells u a series of things u should imagine meanwhile u listen th sounds, smell and listen ur phrase .. quite interesting . I ll explain that later in detail

I decided to write today because it seems that i am committing sabotage to my self, i am trying to get somewhere by doing exactly the same i used to do when i got somewhere else and iremembered a phrase that said "Do the same thing and u ll have the same results"

Otra cosa es que hoy me dolio el ego mas que otra cosa pero el ego es lo que no puedo dejar que me toquen sin defenderme, a veces siento que estoy a la defensiva en todo lo que hago y ni si quiera se porque .... en algunas ocasiones ni siquiera se porque hago las cosas cuando ni siquiera estoy realmente interesada en algo o alguien .. es una locura, pero bueno poco a poco me va cayendo el veinte .. dicen que nadie escarmenta en cabeza ajena pero a veces en la propia tienes uqe darte tres guamazos a tu orgullo pa que entiendas jaajaj

Ayer que hice el ejercicio tenia que pensar en algo que quisiera hacer,... one goal, one dream and i had in my mind 2 of them , my master anda family .. God ialmost cry with the dream of my own family but then both goals were fighting to each other to be the one , the first .. i dont even know what i really want .. sucks jajajaj maybe as Marco says " that is probably the dream of me 5 years ago but that may not be the same as me now,so listen the me that is now and dont live with the dreams of ur childhood or teenagertime" ... amazing ,... didnt even think about it before .

Que loco pero estoy enojada conmigo misma , no me importa nadie mas pero conmigo porque siento que la regue otra vez pero ... como no !! haciendo lo mismo obtienes los mismos resultados .. necesito cambiar las acciones .. HOY! porque primero estoy yo y lo que siento , pienso y quiero en lo mas profundo de mi y esto no lo quiero .. no lo quiero!

gracias por escucharme otra vez Diario, acabo de aventarte todo un vomito mental jajaaj