This cant be that bad if It can make me feel so good

Dear Diary:

I cant simply tell you what has happened.. coz i dont even know what happened that I decided to change my life a 180°.. and I feel ( as I have been saying the whole week) as a mixer full of emotions =)

I am doing profesionally someting different, is not that I decided to leave the dream of making my country a better one or losing my faith in the new generation of leaders and profesionals but I think this is such a slow way and depence on so many decisions that I kind a got tired of waiting, I know that for many people it may seem like I have run away but is not that , is just that for some reason is NOW when I must complete some dreams..

Diary, I am going to India!! .. remember that I wanted so much togo there.. and the most exciting thing is that I am going by myself.. I am so excited that you cant imagine, I just feel myself laughing there and thinking... what was i thinking when idecided to come here alone???? =) I have asked so many things of different friends that have gone there that I stopped listening pr analyzing but so far just enjoying the feeling of excitement.

Can you believe that I wont be able to talk on my birhtday?? HAHAHA my first birthday withtout a WORD!! andI will take advantage of it , I will write and I was thinking of even write a book about how we mexicans are able to do so many things and we are just not doing them .. or maybe we are but then why its unseemable?

I am applying for my master and half of my hearth wants to be accepted and RUN AWAY literally of the feeling´s mixer but the other half just wanna stay here and start another dream and being with the people I love, so either they accept me or not I will be pretty happy with it .

And well I have get to know a friend that is really cool, that has the same belief for our country, our people, our goals and I just hope that this friend wont go anywhere and stay in mexico to support our development ...even if the answer of the "dont go " is a " I´ll think about it" jaajaja is a funny and smart person, but is a mexican that I feel proud of. =)

So many things around these days , but such a good feeling inside of me that everyday I travel my 1 hour by bus reading this great book of an American girl traveling to Italy, india and Indonesia, while listening to great german music, makes me so happy and full that I have found myself smiling or in tears looking at nothing and thinking in everything. I know that whatever the destiny has planned, there is a soul that cant do anything but feeling happy.

I lov my life more than never before, I feel alive, complete...

My soul is an spiritual soul & my life is based on service... I am on my way ..

Thanks for listening..

A novel

A summary of a novel I have read .. interesting points

THere was this girl thinking tha allwhat shewanted in her life was to be like others, be happy and with a family, happily married and everlasting love, fight all her life to find that love story and attached to it like there was nothing else outside and well when you fight for something with all your hearth at some point you get it .. the scary part is that she end up thinking .. did i actually want this?. Its great she didint doubt it , its fulfilling, is romanthic , is complete but she was so frustrated coz she didint know why ? .. why she could even think in having another life? .. how come she was not wanting the whole family, husband part of the everlasting love story?...

She wanted to run away, however she didint have the strength to do it, probably the fear of losing the whole story and at the end finding out that there was nothing left for her, and having an elder life with nothing in her hands, stopped her. But by the time was passing she was getting desesperately attracted to many things, crazy situations, that somehow make her feel in another position. .. in another life... didt want to accept that she was already in the story, she did a lot of thinkgs trying to get a n explanation of it , many people told her to find a path inside of her, but it was very hard very difficult to walk that path, to go inside coz of the sadness and emptiness, it was like fighting with the fact that she just wanted to run away by herself....

Would she be able to do it?

I stil have some pages to read...