HI Diary
This is probably one of the worst weeks that I have had in the last years, I feel very lonely and angry. I also feel lost and i dont know what todo, I dont have any job, my ex is the new boyfriend of one of the most appreciated girls in my circle of people i know in this city and they have decided to be with whoever has a plan and today I was left alone, i really needed someone to talk but every person I trust was with the rest of the people and I just managed to cheer up myself a bit here, focusing in finding dreams I could pursue but I cried a lot today, and this sadness that push your chest so hard that sometimes you find hard to breath, I know that my angel is around me I can feel him. I also dont want to relay in another person to take me out of here, out of this emptiness because I am sure that if that person goes away I will probably fall down so hard that I will not be able to manage it.
I wish I knew the answer of what to do, I wish I could decide where to go or what I want, so far I know that I need to cheer myself up and I guess is ok everybody needs time, I need time, I cant find myself focused, I find it hard to even picture myself in the future.
On the other hand I am angry, angry at not being able to communicate my anger for so many years, for not being brave enough to tell him how I was feeling and how angry I was to know that he wasnt loving me, and to forgive myself to push things and work it out to "make them happend" How could I do something like that?
I dont want that to happend again, I dont want to push or convince anyone to be with me, not a friend, not a love, love will come and will act whenever is the right time and I will decide if I am also ready for it ...
This is probably one of the worst weeks that I have had in the last years, I feel very lonely and angry. I also feel lost and i dont know what todo, I dont have any job, my ex is the new boyfriend of one of the most appreciated girls in my circle of people i know in this city and they have decided to be with whoever has a plan and today I was left alone, i really needed someone to talk but every person I trust was with the rest of the people and I just managed to cheer up myself a bit here, focusing in finding dreams I could pursue but I cried a lot today, and this sadness that push your chest so hard that sometimes you find hard to breath, I know that my angel is around me I can feel him. I also dont want to relay in another person to take me out of here, out of this emptiness because I am sure that if that person goes away I will probably fall down so hard that I will not be able to manage it.
I wish I knew the answer of what to do, I wish I could decide where to go or what I want, so far I know that I need to cheer myself up and I guess is ok everybody needs time, I need time, I cant find myself focused, I find it hard to even picture myself in the future.
On the other hand I am angry, angry at not being able to communicate my anger for so many years, for not being brave enough to tell him how I was feeling and how angry I was to know that he wasnt loving me, and to forgive myself to push things and work it out to "make them happend" How could I do something like that?
I dont want that to happend again, I dont want to push or convince anyone to be with me, not a friend, not a love, love will come and will act whenever is the right time and I will decide if I am also ready for it ...
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