My year 2010

Dear Diary:

Its amazing how fast a whole year pass.. This year has been for me one of the hardest but also one of the most amazing years, I have found " the piece", The missing piece, its a piece to start the puzzle , Now i have the tools I need .

But in order to get to this point I needed to quit my job, make a strong change in my life, thanks people in my life to help open myself to a new way of living, of loving, of giving myself to someone. This year I went to India, I moved to another continent, I started a new life to realize one more time that my fears will come with me wherever I go, opportunities of finding new people and unfocus will always be there, some stronger than the others, but this time I knew that all that happens in my life is my decision, everything is under my control and I am happy that this time even if I didnt react as I wished I could see the whole picture clearer and faster and was able to move myself to my path, the path where I feel warm, calm, easy and happy.

This year I have meet many people in different circumstances , every one lighting my way and giving me clues and answers that I needed, I am so lucky, so fortunate and so blessed to be around the people in this world!.

tayatha om muni muni

Maha muni ye soha !

Tayatha om Muni muni

Maha muni ye soha.

For pojko: Thanks for being there, withouth you my life will feel empty and I will feel alone, thanks for giving me smiles and support when i need it , for understanding me,thanks for sharing your life with me ..

Give me LIFE, the chance to be alive and its all what I will ask for. I will make my best to keep focus... BRING IT ON!!

GRACIAS!

The REAL TRUTH

Dear diary

Everybody says that relationships have different stages and the stage of falling in love ends after a while (some people say 3 months , other couple of years),and then love becomes stronger and calm, couples no longer fell this excitement of being together, the butteflies in their stomach because the falling in love is gone and they must move to the next stage and enjoy it.

However I was thinking that accepting that, is not only sad but also dangerous because if a person falls in love on someone else that feeling will be so strong that can push that one to do crazy things and even leave a current relationship. It is also sad because that means that the feeling of excitement will no loger be there what makes the relationship transform in a old couple relationship even before their 30´s, so... it can not be true, there must be another way. And after some time thinking about it I realized that it is a LIE! , but I can only realized that now.

The real truth is that people change, even inside a couple both of them are living different lives outside their relationship, jobs, friends, experiences, conversations, feelings, etc. And if a main change of behaviour is seemable after one year, then you can see after periods of time that the person you live with is a different person, and you ARE a different person, what means that you CAN fall in love again of that person that your gf, bf, wife or husband has become every certain period of time!.

We just assumed that we know her/ him and the falling in love stage is gone.. of course that if we think this way we can live many years not realizing that the person we have next to us is changing and after some time you can feel that you dont even know him/ her anymore; you did not give you the chance in all those years to fall in love of your couple again!. GREAT eh?

Diary, I am excited to move this week, I am sure everything will go well, I have found a yoga place and even a Buddhist Center couple of blocks away of my new home so wish me all luck because I have more reasons to get excited with this change!

Thanks for listening!

Stressed / Overloaded

Dear Diary :

I really dont like the times when I dont know where to start, I just feel that is non sense of having those moments in life! .

This week is getting harder and harder, every teacher is giving so many assignments and the group projects are starting to accumulate! I cant really see an ending of it!..

However I am also stressed for the accommodation, can you believe that I posted to 4 different websites, had to join several groups like Arabs in london, italians in london, french in london !! so funny, I hope it works!! But as one person told me yesterday, after doing the work something should come out from it and if it doesnt is because is the best for you... so I hope everythin will go great.. but to be honest I REALLY want to move!! that house will be so much fun to live with Moises and now there is a chance that even Tarek will move there ... will be so great!! I love this guys they are so nice and crazy , and I really need someone to talk to while I am at home!

On the other side there are nice new topics that I am learning and we are going to compete for this case challenge about water .org, an organization that helps people to get the water they need is so great! I just posted a signature on this blog and I will put some on other sites, we need to understand the importance of water and how is affecting the lives of many!

Thanks Diary, and I really need to do some exercise today, I have been sitting for 10 hours today! nuts!

Big hug and gutten nacht!

All is good!

Dear Diary,

This week has been pretty nice, it was the internet week in London and I completely loved it, we went to many events and meet interesting people in the field, the classes are getting harder but at the same time challenging and excited!

I presented my topic and my hands were shaking and after 1 min I realized that, so I breathed and smiled and suddenly I stop shaking, it was a good experience i will do it more often, I will put myself in those situaitons until I stop getting nervous about it!..oh yea!

This week I missed a friend, but not in the way i used to miss him, I miss the person, the funny situtaions, the laugh, his expresion of " ay si sii si" =), he is a fun person to be with, I hope that after some time he will want to talk to me again, I know I took the right decision, I really need every thought or feeling that should not be there, dissapear, but i just hope he is not so angry at me, that he undertands, and at some point he will consider me as a friend again. I sent him a gift for his birthday, I hope he likes it, ireally care about him and hope that he reaches his goals and dreams, from here diary, I sent him the best luck and a great hug and kiss as friends!

Diary, I have to tell you that I want to move out from my accomodation, is sooo expensive I cant afford it anymore and now I have this chance to move with one of my best friends here so I hope I find someone on time. Thanks God for sending me so nice people around, my new friends are OUTRAGEOUs! (that is a local joke) they are so cool and music oriented, funny girls and great guys, they are my family here, is amazing how the relationships you make when you are far from home can get so close!

I am happy, I am calm and I am seeing this with more clarity , I guess I am growing up!

Way to go!!

Through the window..

Dear Diary

I finished my paper on time and I had time to practice my presentation for tomorrow.. wish me luck.!! I just hope not to get nervious, you know I dont really know how that happened! I used to make a 5 min speech in front of hundreds of people and then a 2 min improvised speech!! of course I got my adrenalin to the top that I was thinking on what to say about an specific topic on the bathroom wanting to vomit but it was so exciting!! I still do pretty nice entrances and exits but the rest sometimes gets...pretty soft.

Hopefully I will do it better is all about not getting nervious! .

Today I was walking to the school, absolutely freezing, and I saw this boy, around 14 years old looking from outside through the window of a chinese restaurant trying to watch a soccer match on the TV, I was smiling too see him so interested, but here comes the funniest part, when I walked closer to him, he was saying something, and I was curious so I slow down to realize he was actually commenting the game in his words "... And he makes the pass to his teammate, excellent pass ladies and gentlemen..." He was amazing! and I was laughing and walking towards the school thinking that life can be so different when you have imagination!

I am happy, still a little bit sick but calm and thankful.

Buenas noches diario!

Besitos!

Sometimes you just got to do, what you got to do

DIARY:

Sometimes we keep looking for something that we will never find outside,

sometimes we dream of having something that you are not meant to have this life

Sometimes we forgot the reason why we are in this world

Sometimes we search for something that it doesnt exist.

Sometimes we are stock in our teenager days

Sometimes we must be strong in the consequences of our acts

Sometimes we just need to accept our reality and keep working

Sometimes we need to learn how to live happy with whatever we ´ve got

Sometimes is time to mature

Sometimes we just have to do what we are meant to do

This is one of those times.

.. not very healthy ...

Diary

Por alguna razón me duele mucho el brazo,no se porque, estos dias he trabajado mucho y casi no hago ejercicio, llevo enferma de la garganta una semana y cuando hablo empiezo a toser, para acabarla y por razones que no me esperaba ahora estoy mucho más débil y aunque anímicamente me siento tranquila, fisicamente estoy agotada. Casi no puedo dormir en la noche y eso ha hecho que mi desempeño durante el dia este muy abajo de lo normal.

Estoy estresada porque no se si terminaré a tiempo los reportes y porque me toca exponer el lunes y por alguna razón siempre me pongo nerviosa con las exposiciones,.. a veces quisiera ser menos responsable y estresarme menos, al final le estoy poniéndo ganas y aunque mi atención siempre se distrae por mil cosas en mi cabeza o a mi alrededor creo que voy bien, no puedo dar más. Por ahora solo quisiera poder dormir bien hoy, todo es mucho mejor cuando uno está sano, mucho mejor .... espero componerme pronto.

Diosito cuida a toda la gente que esta enferma en este mundo, especialmente a los niños ellos merecen jugar, saltar y disfrutar su vida, cuidalos mi diosito y gracias por todo

Angelito .. ¿me ayudarías a no toser demasiado hoy?

Buenas noches , gracias diario

Its all about creativity

Dear Diary

I ve just read about this mother and her small daugther , the mom writes a blog about how she is teaching her daughter to learn at home and go one day a week to school.. I loved it !!, hope one day i will have the energy, excitement and patience to do it with mine.

http://satorismiles.com/

I ve been at home for about 24 hours now, i am searching and searching about different topics for my international marketing class.. to be honest, I love it! , I love marketing, I love how the technology is changing it all, however I still believe that is all about creativity, enjoying, having fun and live 100%.

Looking through the window of my little room, I see the sun telling me good bye and I just can smile! , I remember things, situations, faces and i just know that there are a bunch of smiles waiting for me, thanks God!, is going good!! =)

"If tomorrow never comes, would she know how much i love her...". (Ronan Keating), listening this song I just can dream and fall in love! .. I have said it all, there is nothing else inside of me so I am free!!

Today is halloween, and thinking about whether to dress like a mexican doll or a wizard of oz, I think as mexican doll will be a better idea... I would have looked pretty mexican anyway in the wizard of oz outfit hahah ..

See u later diary!

Kisses

1 Good bye, 1 C u later

Dear Diary:

U know how hard is to say good bye .... good bye to a nice feeling, to a good job, to a wrong belief and to a special person... but sometimes is the only way to grow, to move on, to accept, to grief and to be ready, ready to feel freedom, feel uniqueness, satisfaction and love.. ISnt is weird that sometimes we need to stop loving someone to start loving the rest of the world? .

Dont know if this is really true but sometimes loving that specifically person is not the answer, is not even a possibility and it just makes you tired, exhausted, stock. I know that Love can be wonderful when both people are wiling to risk it all, to risk their own balance in life, their own individual rules and be happy but when this is not there, the answer for the one that is stock is just to get rid of it.

I cant say that it doesnt hurt, it makes an empty sense of reality but at the end is the best thing to do ....

My little angel, I know u are with me all the time, hug me at night, smile to me in the morning, show me the path to go, the thoughts to think, the anxiety to overcome, the lovely world around me, with you next to me, everything is possible.

A Big kiss from the deepest place in my hearth to that special person that has changed it all inside, i wish you to be happy coz I know I will.

Good bye my love, see you later my friend.

Topic .... closed...

feeling... on the way to vanish

Life.... here I go again, thanks for letting me live w/ u

Bring it on!!! =)

... Hard time...

How can I pretend to lie myself and try to go back to something that I dont really want.. What is it to make a decision based on fear of being alone, of not reaching a personal goal.

How to move on if your hearth is still beating for him?

How to forget you if I cant stop thinking about you, if when I am alone I just can remember and dream ?

How to wake up withouth this empty feeling in my hearth?

How to stop crying because I cant do anything to make you change your mind...

And the only answer I got is "..leave it and keep smiling, time will give me the answer and the confort in your hearth, dont go back to what you are sure you dont want, just based on the wrong reasons, dont hurt anyone else on the way and try to live happily by yourself... at the end. It cant be that bad, to end up alone."

God, be with me, stay here, sleep with me and hug me please, because I am not that strong, and because I am just a girl that still needs to grow to be able to focus ONLY in what you have given me, thanks God , thanks for all

Noses

Dear Diary:

Have you realized how funny the life can be? , I just realized that in many moments of my life, when i get on the tube, I just cant stop smiling, there are so many things that make me laugh, for example ... Have you noticed the many different types of noses that exist in the world?.. I am so amazed with it and I get to love mine even more, I am kind a unique! =)

The huge long noses of the indian girls, the fat funny noses of the black guys, the really curve noses of the middle east guys, the egipcian Cleopatra noses of the northern africans, the small noses of some europeans, the long noses of the English and the funny noses like mine.

I love noses, the way they get red when is so cold, or the different they look when you put glasses on, the way they change with the years, the funny they look in an old guy, some noses can make a person look like a cartoon Amazing!... I think noses have life in themselves ...

Diary i am not drunk or anything It was just a funny nosy day lol!!

Good night !

What is the key?

Estoy enamorada de la persona que soy cuando estoy contigo, de la transformación que provocas en mi. Me pregunto podré serlo sin ti?

Dear Diary:

This was my last tweet couple of minutes ago, and its something that has been walking around my mind the whole day, and the question I ask my self today is .. why?

What is it in you, in the situation, in myself that makes me act like that?

• Is it the way you react, a reaction that I love that your eyes can talk through your body and that shocks you and let me realize what is what you are feeling?

• Is it the fact that I am not afraid of being crazy, of being me of exploting in your hands because I know that there is no way that you can take it wrong, taht you can judge me in that moment, that I just can be myself with you.. is that it?

• Is it the excitement of not having you for real, is it the challenge that represents to convince you, to have you?

• Or is it just me that allow myself to be in peace, to focus in only one place and one moment and just give myself to it, to whatever it is that I am doing in that moment with you...

And I leave with that questions in my mind in a way to find the key to be that person again even.... withouth you ..

I miss you , and I will probably miss you the rest of my life but I need to accept that there is nothing I can do and I got this life for a reason and maybe next one we will see again.

By the way diary, I love Autumn !its my favorite season! I love the way the trees look , the changing of coulours, the dry grass, the dry leaves on the floor, the sound they do when you step on them, the HOPE, for me ... Autumn represents hope, and I live with it ...

Welcome Home London

Welcome Home London!

Ive been here for almost a month! Unbelievable! times just goes so fast, But when it comes to forget someone, take out a feelings that hurts, thoughts of feeling betrayed, lyied, humilliated and stupid, time just goes too slow sometimes!. But at this point my believe is "I was listening what I wanted to listen and not what it was said to me not only in words, but in behaviour, reactions, actions,excuses,etc", and at the end , this life is only one, and is time for me to focus on what matters and be happy with what I DO have, forget, forgive and go back to recover what I can.

Its so exciting to have an online and offline life here, to walk around this georgous city, to feel free, anxious, happy and calm. To dream to hope to live, to suffer, to cry, to smile, to jump, to run, to play, to meditate, to write, to study, to chat, to pray... I am alive and that is what matters.

Now I completely understand when people say "I just feel there is no time for all what I need to do", so I decided to " do only what I WANT to do, is the only thing i have time for"

Welcome new friends, new dreams ..... new love!

Good night!

...Falling in love...

Dear Diary:

I am back.. these days have been wonderful, full of so many different and interesting people, ful of energy, enthusiasm and life, however I am still feeling weird it maybe because of the stress I ve been through these month, changing of life, making nuts decisions and realizing that I am , I was and I will be in the same position in people¨s life .. that kind a confuse me I am not very sure whether I am happy or sad for it, and by that I mean I am happy coz I am able to follow my life, my way, my path withouth worrying for the ... "maybe one day" dream that I was kind a stock for some time now , but on the other hand I am sad because I misunderstood everything and I am afraid that with that idea I have pushed myself in to a decision that was not the time to do.

Life is absolutely wonderful, full of dreams, life, problems, solutions, ideas and feelings,I love this place, the power it has, the energy that everyone can transmit, the opportunities, the failures, the HOPE, is a city with HOPE and it makes me calm, smile, focus on the future and live!..

I have enrolled in many clubs at the University, and I am very excited, at the Consulting Club I wil meet guys from the MBA and they are my age so that will be very cool! @ the music club I will meet people that are so different from me that makes me wonder and Tarek will be the president so that will make it fun!, @ the soccer club, Ill get to practice my english with the snobish american girls and I may get to learn how to play better, @ the Language exchange I may get to practice my italina, and @ the yoga club I may get classes for free.. so the future looks wonderful and I am happy to be here! .. Diary hold fingers for me to get another credit!

Good night

It's raining men Hallelujah

Dear Diary..

well is not that there are actually men rainning, its more like a thunder of feelings towards men that have really touched my hearth this time, but at the end, I think the most important part is that I have being honest! honest with myself and with the others so I am happy!!

Its a new time, time to think, to work hard, to study hard, to analize, to be with myself and time to know more people, I am excited with it, i feel that I have left behind me some great guys but for one as I am not the one for him, he is not the one for me, and i still feel that I have failed one of them ,i wish I can repay him for this. I insist a lot many people have told me during my life that I am pretty intense, but I like to know where I am standing, I hate to be in a moving sand, I want either to be on the ice, coz at some point the spring will come and it will eventually melt, or I may be standing on a ferti soil, if its the case then I for sure will try to cultivate something, but I need to know the truth, right now, I am sure I am on the ice.. but It will melt and so far I am learning how to skate, and more towards what makes me feel happy and special =), so right now I am calm in that sense, I am terrified for what I have in front of me, I am excited, doubt, speechless but I have hope, and the strength to go on with my life.

Coz I am 29!! looking acoordingly to the buch of classmates i have like 25 maximum so WOW!! here we goo !!

I willl write later diary, right now I am very sleepy and with a bunch of papers to read!!

Kisses!!

....all i am looking for are peace and clarity...

Dear Diary,

I have decided to put things clear on the table, to be honest to myself and say what I feel and believe, I may have change things between us but I had to say it. I wish next week I will be given a visa to study abroad for a while, one part of me really wants to go, and the other would love to stay close to him but in a different situation and as there is no way I can change that situation now, I think the best decision I can make is to go.. it may sound like I am running away but I am just protecting myself and giving myself space to have peace and clarity. YOu know Diary I am freaking out, I am so scared of going there alone with no money and no friends but inside of me I know that I will make my best to do it, to achive what I want and I know that my decision will be.... Being alone, I am afraid of losing this great support that has been there for me all these years, this great friend and beautiful human being but is not fair, is not fair to be 20% there, to be only his friend, he needs someone else that would be there for him 100 % and I cant coz you know why .. and I also need to accept the idea that my other dream may never become true, and it hurts , it really does but is true, my dream may realize that is not willing to be more than what it is and I must be prepared and this year diary is for me to have peace and clarity, I want that I need that ..

Please universal energy Hari OM help me to have this peace , get inside of me, I am opening my hearth for you.

Thanks diary , I have hope, give me GOd the strength Ineed to find my peace.

Please and I promess you Ill make my best to get it .

Calm.. no anxiety

Dear Diary:


Ihave to tell you that all this spiritual work I ve been trying to do is working, I really can say now that everywhere I go, everything I do , I feel it like " This is exactly what I want to do right now" This feeling gives me 2 things
1. Less anxiety, coz life gets calmer and nicer
2. More awareness, awareness of what I am doing , what I am feeling, what I am thinking and that is absolutely magnificient

I am so excited for everything I am doing and I want to do , there are just many things I want to learn, people I want to spend time with, feelings I want to work on, personality I want to develop and projects I want to be part of, all that makes my life full of surprises, events and happiness.

I am learning to produce my own happiness, and I have to say that this feel like if I was going out of jail, a jail that I have built myself in order to adapt to the world I thought I lived in.. everything was a lie, everything can and does change!!

This is so exciting

SO BRING IT ON!!

LIFE I am here to live you!!

I ve got the best of both worlds ...

DIARY
Well well well... I have quite a stressful, ineresting weeks .. I have finally work 100% in the company that me and some friends decided to open and I am so excited, nervious, stress, relax.. I actually dont even know how many feelings I have towards this, the only thing I really know is that my life has improved and I feel totally muchhh better than before.

About my personal emotional life.. well some things happened and I did get angry, sad and all those disturbed emotions that I knew it will come but I didint actually react as bad as I could have and I think I made some choices changed some attitudes, said some things and put everything in its real importance and I can say that I've got the best of both worlds!! I get to keep a great friend that I love and get the best part of him that is being a friend that anyone could say "is he ur bf?" ( as it happened this weekend) coz we have such a cool friendship where I get to bother him and viceversa and we dont dissapoint or invade the personal space of the other so.. great!!

On the other hands I am improving myself and I think I will keep on this track .. starting with the excitement of learning sooo many things, yoga, a whole 2 weeks of tibetian budism, a certificate in massage therapy, some mkt books and so on.. soo I am so happy and I thanks the world for this opportunity ...

YEa babe!! Ive got the best of both worlds!! =)

Its nothing...

Dear Diary:

I kind a get some things today , YOu know I asked a friend for some help to learn something and I was really hoping he ll agree.. because it wasnt big deal and I just really like to spend time with him,he is sometimes interesting, funny and nice but I just realized that he was gonna say no and inside him he really wasnt interested to help and that really make me sad, I dont know if it was because of something I used to do or did or want to do sometimes but I was just ... shocked I guess
I understand that sometimes you just dont have time or dont really feel like doing something , but I also know that when you care about someone you just try, I mean everything is possible when you really want it and this wasnt really a hard thing , I realized that I have made the right choice coz if he really couldnt say yes to this, he wouldnt definetely say yes to anything harder than it and It made me realize where I am in his life and I had gotten it all wrong, coz you know I really could lose many things for him and his friendship mean alot to me but ... is this real? ... I am just dissappointed I guess .. and a little bit sad... I guess sometimes we just dont get what we expect or want... which doesnt make anyone better or worse just sometimes you realize who are you for someone, and that is ok. JUst my night is a little bit coudy tonight, but I am sure that tomorrow will be suny again ..


Thanks for listening me diary, I just sometimes made stories on my head and believe that there are things or feelings where there are none , and that is all about growing up... =)

kisses !!

Good night

Just thoughts ...

...The only way to fulfill what is empty is by realizing that is not emptiness is confusion what hurts, and have aclear mind helps to realize the beautiful life that is in front of you...

... Life is like a recipe, friends are like salt and pepper, actions the rest of the ingredients and a positive peaceful mental attitude the secret ingredient to make that recipe the most tasteful dish you´ve ever tried...

‎....Sometimes you just need to accept that life is not always as you wish it to be, but at the end those unpredictable situations are the best lectures for you, they make you grow, understand and accept.....

Someone like her

Dear Diary:

Well .. This week I ve meet this girl and I was talking about her of relationships, goals, religions, etc.. She ended up telling me that she is working on finding out the best way to deal with the fact that she is married and in love of someonelse that doesnt love her back.. I was quite shock .. couldnt really say anything... after a while she said: "Well... but dont worry the good part of all this is that I have married a wonderful person that has taught me many things, made me a better person and is somebody I can count on, he'll be there for me, he is funny, smart, cute and absolutely a great soul ... and well the person I am in love ,even if he doesnt feel the same, he is one of my best friends and that makes me very happy" I must say that I started to be a littke bit curious and asked her:" So is everything all right?" ... She said: "Everything will be better, I know something at least , I wanna be a good person to share life with for my husband and I wanna keep my love as a friend" ... Isnt that hard I asked? ... HEll YES!! she answered..being close to the person you love withouth being able to do anything is like wanting to talk and have no voice... it feel like a pain on the chest that doesnt let you breathe, but u know as I see things.. it can always be worst, and at some point the tag for people may not be the same for all life.. what I mean is that maybe some day I wont love that person anymore, or I will decide to follow my path alone but so far I think this is the best I can do, I know and I wished that I could change eveything just in one minute but that is unreal, what I can say is that I will try my best to make this work for me and for everyone as soon as posible, and well .. there are other things I need to focus now so this maybe the least of my worries now...

I was looking at her thinking: "should be really hard to be in that situation... but then I just hugged her... She started to cry, I knew how she felt and I couldnt do more than give her a hug and tell her "everything is going t be fine, you ll see... " ANd she smiled at me she said" Iknow.. I just hoped sometimes it will be faster"

AT the end ...

Everything happens dependently and the answer to change that is only on my side ...

Steps for a new life...

Every day just one step at a time

Well Diary

I am back and Here we comes... lets start thismind trainning ... u know that I keep thiking and thinking and I just cant stop the idea of my mind but I dont even know why I am thiking it again.. maybe because my mind got used to the idea but that idea is just making me act like a fool, yesterday I act like a total stranjger for me, I mean I was kind a sarcastic, rude and put some pressure on the conversations and request at a meeting with friends and it was because in my mind I didint know how to react and I just end up being someone I am not ... so lets train this!!=) I wanna be myself with my friends and I dont want to run away from any of them

So breath ..... I realized of it so is a good step now lets try to change it lets try to be more ourselves ok?


Day 1 Train...

Wake up early to do breakfast and be a nice person to share life with for macicko
Think positive, past is past, now the presetn and the present needs calm and tranquility
When this idea comes to your mind dont block it, just let it go but dont focus on it jut let it pass ..

LEts see how it goes..


ME

JUST to PASS through something is not enough to' KNOW it

Dear Diary:
Many things have gone through my mind these days i know what I want, I know what I need to really work hard on and I know that my mind is pretty much disturbed by the attachments I have to people and to a this particular topic- u know- .

In this matter i am such an ignorant, but I am glad i ve been through some stages that have moved me from dislike it, to ignore it to grasp it, and finally to' getting to' know it... I have realized that is a feeling many people have had at some point of their lives and by recognizing my total ignorane and decide to learn about it, some things have clarified , I have to' say that is very interesting to read about it and getting to see it in such a spiritual way however i have just this only one person in mind whenever i have to deal with this topic, and I know that right now i just should leave my feelings arise or decrease withouth reacting to' them ... It maybe because of the excitement he brings to it, the knowledge I have gained or maybe because i love the "me" that I am with it.

But then I think that there is much more about it I want to experience , to know, to feel and that the Main reason of it is that I should be' ready in mind to be able to manage such a great energy in myself

i just can tell u that I have tools now to learn to' manage my mind and i have the strength to pursue the REAL it

Thanks for listening

me

Life learnings

Dear Diary
After all this days of traveling there are many things I have learnt but I will write you here some life´s rules that i learnt



1.- Dont be too hard on yourself . Everyone has the same feelings and in many cases do similar mistakes be easier on yourself

2.- Try to feel more with the hearth lowing your rational mind

3.- Happy is just about being calm, serene in peace and smiling

4.- Everyone wants to be happy, some of them sometimes see you as the source of their happiness or suffering dont take it personal is just their perception so keep calm and try not to feel anger or hatred

5.- You can love and you should love as many people as you feel just the way to demonstrate it is the difference, give everyone a place in your life but dont tagged everyone as enemy, friend or stranger, this taggs can be moved very easily to one place to the other.

6.- The best way to be a better wife is also to be a better daughter.

7.-Compassion with love and wisdom arethe best skills I should develop

8.- There are few chances where the world is just waiting for you to grow your spiritual path, healthy, economically stable, educated, free.... what am i waiting for? .. professional career, retirement? Time is now .

9.- Training my mind is the only way tothe happiness... being aware of wrong perceptions, will allow me to understand many situations and take away the suffering and ignorance of my life.

10.... GO FOR IT.. I can do this !! .. this is now!

I am very happy I actually had the time and guts to start this trip, and I hope that I will be able to do what I want.. I want happiness in my life.. I ll get happiness in my life for my soul and mind.


Thanks for listening me ..

Where is it ? What isit ?

Dear diary:

its exactly a week from my departure ... and i am totally nervous, I am excited, and I am anxious and little afraid..

I keep having this emptiness in my stomach , in my hearth , in my life ... I just stopped thinking about anything or anyone.. some times i do remember and I hope ... or I imagine things , situations, but at the end God, you and me know that this emptiness is not there .. even if that feeling was so great , i know there is no path for me on it , neither there or anywhere but here .. here with me , inside of me ... right God? ... answer me please... pleaseee .. tell me yes, tell me that I will be all right , that I will not be feeling this again , or that i will know how to fight this.. i am starting to think that is lapsus of depresion or emptiness are for a good reason but .. Why I am feeling this now ? Why in this age? or Did i feel it before but I blocked it ?

I know that nothing in my life has been easy... remember when I talked to you when I was a child and told you ... yea ... that wont be easy right?.. bring it on!! and yea well it wasnt, moments I remembered that werent easy.... when my father left that was a hard one .., when my parents had an accident , that totally changed me ... when I changed school, well as usual almost no classmate liked me... at least at the beginning .. when I fell in love for the first time.. big deal!! .. 6 years of torture hahaha , and now I just can picture this God... this is one of those hard times.. and I know I can feel , you are here !! you are back with me ! and I am thanking again for this moments that make me be so close to you .. you know I have left the church .. didnt really trust it anymore.. I will find another way... but I wont leave you, you are and will be in my path all my life ..

I have hope, and I will learn . I will learn how to be complete with what I have, How to let people walk away from me if that is what they want, I will be happy with the beautiful me I am , and I wont stop fighting for a better world ... for a better me

HEre I go GOd, please light my way with love and happiness

I love you!

me

Let it go & make a room for something better

Dear diary :

I was really trying to let this feeling go away and just now I ve just realized that is still there , that there is a hope in my hearth for it to succed... and It just has hurt me real bad .. I dont want to cry, I dont want to feel this pain in my chest, this feeling of "shit I screw this again" .. "how can i just f*.. things like this" and with tears in my eyes I am just wondering and asking .. please God take this away from me ..

I must forgive myself for everything and move on..

I just look so great when I am happy, I can just light myself and imagine me flying on the floor, singing and smiling, I know that my being is in this world for a greater reason than feelign guilty and sad, I am here to light in the world and make other people's life light too

I am sorry God, you have given me so much, so many things in my life and I have not valued them as I should, give me God another chance to do it . Take me to thepath you want me to follow and put me away of everything that can distract me and destroy me.

I want to be happy again all the time, I want to focus on the beauty of my life as I do almost all day .. =) I am a happy person, i have always been , u know diary, today I went to talk to the vp of education at the Univ. he told me " Hey I have the hope thatyou will come back, there are many people here that likes you alot, and is not only for your charisma, but for your achievements" ... man!! that made me feel proud of myself and happy for the situation.. I am scared of course I am .. life is always full of surprises but I think I am alittle wildwith mine =) .

Today also a friend send me an email wishing me luck and sending me the best vibres from kms away and I know she meant it, thanks God for all the people you have put in my life, for all the angels U have sent me .

I will be better ,I am already a better person that I was few moments ago..

Luv u , luv this life that can teach me a lesson every day

I am alife! ...

G od help me, god help me to help others on my way ..

Pd. And now that I think it clearly.. probably all this lesson is for me to learn how to let thing flow!!.. somebody told me that this life is for me to learn this .. probably is just that this is a way fro me to learn it... I dont want to have this kind a lesson again but I can definetely learn people , situations and feelings flow with it... =)

BUSCA LO MÁS VITAL NO MAS ..

Sometimes we spent our life trying to find answers, to understand things, situations, that may not have a real answer a real solution. And then in a day like today and yesterday I just realize that ... eyy baby ... I am alife!! , I am healthy, I am young, I am smart .. and why not.. I am pretty!! =) So why to spend my time in these, why I am trying to understand it, why I get sad when I realize that things have changed, that I ve lost people on the way, I ve kept some of them too ... why not to be happy just for the fact of being HERE !!

I was watching a "teenager´sprositution in Mexico" documental today and I was so shocked.. I mean I can really spend my time, thoughts, efforts and emotions doing something more productive for the world, for myself , for my people... so I was thinking that if i dont study next semester I will really put my efforts on doing things for the humanity , this is the time and the place to do it !! .

I will be at my current job one week more and I have this great feeling of " I have friends, I have done a good job here, I am leaving it with all the proud I can " .. This was good ! and what comes will be even better! .

SO ...

Busca lo más vital no mas

Lo que es necesidad nomas

y olvídate de la preocupación...

HOY Soy feliz! =)

Finding the missing piece inside of me

Dear Diary:

Here i go with my next goal ..this is a hard age... I wanna laugh at when I am in my 30´s .. so in order to do that ...

I will experience happiness as an individual first again ..

Being grateful with what I already have..

• What I like about myself ...

I like being a person who thinks that everything is possible
I like the sensitiveness in my heart
I like my determination to do what I want to do
I like being a dreamer
I like myself when I look at me in the mirror
I like being a clown and being able to laugh at myself
I like being analytic but at the same time adventurous
I like being an independent and smart woman

• What I have going pretty well in my life ...

I have finished part of my academic dreams
I have the strenght to travel, to experience dreams and life alone
I have worked in what I wanted
I have done stupid things and learnt with my mistakes
I have adapt myself in hard situations
I have realized of my weaknesses
I have got to know myself deeper

• What I want to let go ...

The insecurity of my decisions
The unknown "what i want"
The anxiety of wanting to do things I cant manage
The sadness of not being great
The stubborness of not accepting and enjoy my reality
The stupidity of not let people go away from my life.
The blindness of not realizing who I am for who and not prioritize this in my decisions
The emptiness in my heart

God Help me to let the situations, feelings, persons flow , let me be in balance with myself.

HELP ME WITH THIS FEELING.. help me to forget, to take away a feeling that is not real, help me to find myself again, help me to love myself, the nature, the world around me, teach me how to share this love , teach me how to scape from this.

I am grateful to Spirit/God from the bottom of my heart for all the above-mentioned blessings. I am so blessed and lucky! Thank you very much!

... Learning, LIVING, smiling...

Dear diary

I would like to tell u about some things that have made me learn so fast in such a short time..

Last week I went to ask a recommendation letter to a professor that has been very valuable in my professional career , she understands and knows me personally a littel bit. She asked me why I wanted to go to that master and about my plans to the trip, she said " 10 years ago, when i was 28, something in my life wasnt right, is a complicated, confusing, sad, desesperate but also interesting and happy period of your life, everything has sense and nothing did at the same time.

- how old are you she asked .

- 28 , i said smiling and feeling exactly how she described the period felt.

- It will be great , dont worry, is a period that teaches you a lot , but at the same time is the preparation for the new age , the 30´s.. a great time for you, you´ll see ... , I love the " Maria" ( to say a name , that is not her name) in the 20´s , and admire and enjoy the "maria in her 30´s and I have so much hope for the "maria in her 40´s, every body says is the best age" she said

-I was listening to her so carefully, ful of hope and happiness, when the celphone rang, it was " the nice soul" I will put this name when i refer to this person " the nice soul" and I had to answer and say can i call you later?

sure , the nice soul said .

I keep listening to what "Maria had to say" left her office with my recommnedation letter and a smile in my face, I knew she was right , time will come even better !! .

Today the nice soul woke me up with one question and a little anger , wheter the soul wants to accept it or not jajaja , I ended up answering it and making a decision, a decision that I know is the best .. Time will come, destiny will show me the way and whether this has a different end , (we never know what happens next, future is not said , nothing is definite ) this is not the right time or place for it , with this soul, great adventures, excelent experiences, nice talks has passed , this soul has listened to what I have to say and has to do nothing more than give me a big hug, those that u dont need to say a word coz I can clearly " heard" the feelings and thoughts in that hug of 2 souls.

So today I found my self thinking .. should i cry?.. No ( a little voice said that , is not time to do that), should I turn on the netbook .. NO ( u may end up doing stupid things) .. should I watch tv ... No ... =)

U SHOULD Run!! ... so I literally put some pants, took my ipod ( and is not a commercial here jjajja) , a shirt and went out running ... BEST decision!! I ran for about 2 hours in I guess 10 kms!! =) .. but on that time I thought I asked my self... how do u feel ? .. A big smile appeared in my face ... HAPPY!!! I havent lost anything ANYTHING , I am just FINE! ... and well things happens for a reason .... and always for somethig better.

I ran to the park, around the park, through the whole neighbor hood, to the entrance and back ... I sang an italian song with all my voice while people were smiling at me .. probably thinking .. what is going on with her . but she is funny.. and yea I felt funny I imagined myself in a dress in the grass dancing around the green grass smiling... when a " hombres G song started" and I remembered myself in my 18´s ... jumping in the sofas and matress at my home town singing this song.... 10 years has passed and i felt the same way so .... I RAN!!! with all my strength!! I ran !!! and a big smile in my face appeared I felt the wind, the sun, i opened my arms and think... jezz I wanted to do run like this for so long ... and I am doing it !!

For now .. I keep my feelings the good feelings and FOCUS.. I have in front of me a big task.. I wanna be abetter person, I wanna enjoy the himalayas and I wanna be A BETTER ME .. U know diary I read a " what i wanna do letter" I wrote last year .. man .. I am in 50% of it ... YEA BABE!! I will be 100% probably in a year .. and it was a 5 years in front letter ...

Life is this.. an extraordinary journey full of experiences...

And if emotions are slaves of your thoughts, and I am a slave of my emotions...

God help me to think only positive ... I love you, I Love this , I love all the time that you have given me to live and I dont want to lose this...

I love to feel everything, thanks forall the souls in my life.

THanks for listening....

This cant be that bad if It can make me feel so good

Dear Diary:

I cant simply tell you what has happened.. coz i dont even know what happened that I decided to change my life a 180°.. and I feel ( as I have been saying the whole week) as a mixer full of emotions =)

I am doing profesionally someting different, is not that I decided to leave the dream of making my country a better one or losing my faith in the new generation of leaders and profesionals but I think this is such a slow way and depence on so many decisions that I kind a got tired of waiting, I know that for many people it may seem like I have run away but is not that , is just that for some reason is NOW when I must complete some dreams..

Diary, I am going to India!! .. remember that I wanted so much togo there.. and the most exciting thing is that I am going by myself.. I am so excited that you cant imagine, I just feel myself laughing there and thinking... what was i thinking when idecided to come here alone???? =) I have asked so many things of different friends that have gone there that I stopped listening pr analyzing but so far just enjoying the feeling of excitement.

Can you believe that I wont be able to talk on my birhtday?? HAHAHA my first birthday withtout a WORD!! andI will take advantage of it , I will write and I was thinking of even write a book about how we mexicans are able to do so many things and we are just not doing them .. or maybe we are but then why its unseemable?

I am applying for my master and half of my hearth wants to be accepted and RUN AWAY literally of the feeling´s mixer but the other half just wanna stay here and start another dream and being with the people I love, so either they accept me or not I will be pretty happy with it .

And well I have get to know a friend that is really cool, that has the same belief for our country, our people, our goals and I just hope that this friend wont go anywhere and stay in mexico to support our development ...even if the answer of the "dont go " is a " I´ll think about it" jaajaja is a funny and smart person, but is a mexican that I feel proud of. =)

So many things around these days , but such a good feeling inside of me that everyday I travel my 1 hour by bus reading this great book of an American girl traveling to Italy, india and Indonesia, while listening to great german music, makes me so happy and full that I have found myself smiling or in tears looking at nothing and thinking in everything. I know that whatever the destiny has planned, there is a soul that cant do anything but feeling happy.

I lov my life more than never before, I feel alive, complete...

My soul is an spiritual soul & my life is based on service... I am on my way ..

Thanks for listening..

A novel

A summary of a novel I have read .. interesting points

THere was this girl thinking tha allwhat shewanted in her life was to be like others, be happy and with a family, happily married and everlasting love, fight all her life to find that love story and attached to it like there was nothing else outside and well when you fight for something with all your hearth at some point you get it .. the scary part is that she end up thinking .. did i actually want this?. Its great she didint doubt it , its fulfilling, is romanthic , is complete but she was so frustrated coz she didint know why ? .. why she could even think in having another life? .. how come she was not wanting the whole family, husband part of the everlasting love story?...

She wanted to run away, however she didint have the strength to do it, probably the fear of losing the whole story and at the end finding out that there was nothing left for her, and having an elder life with nothing in her hands, stopped her. But by the time was passing she was getting desesperately attracted to many things, crazy situations, that somehow make her feel in another position. .. in another life... didt want to accept that she was already in the story, she did a lot of thinkgs trying to get a n explanation of it , many people told her to find a path inside of her, but it was very hard very difficult to walk that path, to go inside coz of the sadness and emptiness, it was like fighting with the fact that she just wanted to run away by herself....

Would she be able to do it?

I stil have some pages to read...

Regresando al camino ...

¿Porqué justo cuando vas avanzando algo pasa y te detienes? A veces se siente como que te regresaras un poco y es ahi cuando dices .. que quiero? a donde voy ? Y un poco para hacerlo más gráfico para mi .. ESTO ES LO QUE QUIERO SER .. AHI VOY

Una familia feliz y unida, cuyos padres se amen, se respeten y admiren

Ser una mamá consciente de sus limitaciones pero también de su potencial,que se ame a si misma para poder amar con esa intensidad a un bebé.

No dejar el ejercicio, eso me ayuda a concentrarme y limpiar mi cuerpo, sacando toxinas en mi mente y en mi corazón

EN sintonia con el mundo, sintiéndome viva y feliz cada dia

Ayudar a los niños que pueda ayudar, no puedo quedarme al margen de l oque pasa afuera de mi ..

A ESTO DEBO ENFOCARME ... y dejar todo lo que me desvíe del camino porque me hará INFELIZ...

Vamos tu puedes!!!!

Note desenfoques!!

doing good, going in a good way, doing what I want to do....feeling satisfied

... In a good way ... I think i have taken good decisions... This year i have decided to put my coins in one basquet ( todas mis monedas en una canasta jajja ) .. in the family, calmness, hard word, free time to know myself basquet..

ANd I have done it good, I need to accept that i am not perfect and iwill never be, sometimes I actually hurt people withouth wanting it, but I have decide not to put in my life situations that may increase those chances and for that .. I have given in good hands a good project that I started to give metime to think and start new "dreams", ones that makes me calm, satisfied and commited.

Unfortunately I have realized that I am not very good in team work" tasks, I will work in my tolerance and communication, I want to improve withouth hurting anyone on the way. =)

I have started to dream again, and do what i must do to be calm and is basically

- Focus on my work.. do what i know to do in the best way with responsability and passion
- Be with my family... share every moment I can with them.
- Start dreaming and looking for other ways.... Analizing myself of what i want and what i will do to achieve it..

I am on this way ... on my own.. and I am happy for it ..

And today the volcanoes reminded me how beautiful is to be in this world and that there is nothing a human can do that will be more perfect than the nature.... We are just a small part of the greatest thing in world...